Single-Not-Single Mum: Parenting in Community

Ahead of Mother’s Day (Sunday 9 May), we'll be sharing stories of every day Christian mothers, and how knowing God and the gospel has shaped their perspectives on children and parenting. In this reflection, Author and Blogger, Ruth Baker shares what God has been teaching her in both the joys and challenges of parenting two boys as a single mother in Christian community.  

Author: Ruth Baker

There was just too much life to cope with. Normally, I would ask my friends to come over after church and hang out just for fun. But this particular day, it was a plea. I had reached the end of my tether. The mental load was too high. The world was too noisy. The single parenting was too intense. How long had it been like this? Long enough for me to reach the point where I finally had to reach out. “I have nothing for morning tea”, I said to my friends “and I might cry.” 

They appeared at the door with their four kids, morning tea, a litre of milk, bread, a roast chicken and salad. All the things a mum at her wits end could need. I did cry. 

This is single parenting. More importantly, this is Christian parenting. We parent in community. 
It’s not a nice feeling sometimes, having to admit you can’t do it. Feeling like you’re failing because you need other people to prop you up. These children are my responsibility. I should be able to do this. Most of the time we can of course. We all can. It’s just sometimes – we can’t. Sometimes, I need someone to take care of me. Sometimes, I need to matter to someone. Sometimes, I need help with the load, just for a little while. 

And that’s okay. God placed us in community for this very purpose. We are to carry each other’s burdens. The very nature of having burdens is the means by which we are drawn into community. God did not make us to bear our burdens alone. We grow as part of the body. So just as we bring our sins and cares and anxieties to God, we should expect to bring our burdens to our community. 

The parenting itself is not the burden though. The burden is the diminished capacity to cope, the lack of time for self-care, the number of things to think about all the time, the herculean effort it takes to carry the mental load. The parenting? The parenting is not the burden. The parenting is a God-given treasure. God gave those children to me. He also gave me their smiles, their trust, their shoes all over the floor, their hugs, their silly jokes, their muddy clothes, their love, their smushy kisses. No. The parenting is not the burden. 

Most importantly, God gave me to them. The combination of all my life experiences and trials, triumphs, terrible mistakes and great moments have shaped my character in just such a way that makes me the person God wants to raise my children. He has given me the life that was needed to shape my character and convictions to form the person that my children need. I am the parent God made and through whom my children can grow and be prepared for the world, under God and in faith. 
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If God gave me to my children, the parenting in community is not for my sake alone. Gods’ community gives me strength when I am weak, so I can be what my children need. And my children see me living in community and growing in it. It is the community where they too are planted, to grow as children of God. I cherish this community as God’s plan and gift for me, and my children. And even in my weakness, I thank God for giving me to my children, praying that I can be the mum that they need.

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About Ruth

Ruth is a single mum of two beautiful boys. She blogs at 'Meet Me Where I Am', and writes regularly for The Australian Church Record, The Gospel Coalition Australia, Southern Cross and GothereFor.com. Ruth is a graduand of Sydney Missionary and Bible College and author of Are We There Yet? Purchase her book at Wandering Bookseller, Koorong or Reformers Bookshop. 

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Enjoyed this read? Read the rest of the series!

​Mother, Not Maker: On Relinquishing Control this Mother’s Day  

"As a first-time mother, I hope to model a power perfected in weakness, and a strength empowered by faith."
​
In this reflection, Writer, Heidi Tai, shares what God has been teaching her in both the joys and challenges of pregnancy. Read it here.​

​Parenting and Disability: On Recognising My Limits this Mother’s Day

"Human frailty or weakness or limitation is no impairment to God’s ability to work in and through us."
 
In this reflection, Louise Gosbell shares how God has been at work in her family living with disabilities and chronic health issues.  Read it here.

​‘Motherhood Is Ministry and Ministry Is Like Motherhood’: An Encouragement to Ministry Mums

"The experience of nursing newborns has ‘sleep trained’ my husband and I to express similar tender affections for the church and to serve generously at any moment." 

Jo shares how God’s word has transformed her perspective and goals for motherhood and offers a word of encouragement to other mums in ministry. Read it here.